7 Things I Want To Change About Myself

Life ain’t a bed of roses and I think if we want to be able to survive the adversity, we have to make a few change inside us. I believe it will help to lead to a much happier life when we fix our weaknesses. Some of them are too strong that it ruins our life and we supposed to get rid of all the negative vibes to make a clear path of where are we heading. I have figured out few things inside me that I need to change and I hope I could destroy them first before they destroying me and my mind.

I gotta admit that I tend to complain very much about everything around me rather than expressing my gratitude. I get upset when the foods are not tasty. I go crazy when the weather is scorching hot or when it rains. I wish for a bigger house that I could own a spacious bedroom for me alone cause I don’t like sharing it with my sisters. I always want more and more that I forgot to be thankful for. It finally hits me hard when I see people who’re suffering from poverty, realizing that they own nothing but a broken shelter, worn shirts, and an empty stomach. When I am about to complain about something, I shall remind myself that there are people who are less fortunate than me that don’t even get a chance to have what I have in my palms.

I’m pretty sure you are aware of us living surrounded by a judgmental society. You will be judged for what you wear, what you do for life, what you eat, what you look like, and everything.  And at the same time, you will be made fun of being yourself. It’s funny, isn’t it? No matter what we do, being ourselves or faking ourselves, we still gonna be judged by those people who think they are already perfect. I admit that I don’t have a perfect figure and some people always body shaming me. I wear basic style tudung bawal almost every day and yeah, I’ve been labeled as an outdated person. I wonder what is wrong with that and is it a crime for having extra fats in our body and not wearing and up-to-date outfits? Honestly, it hurts to be humiliated. I know the best way is to ignore and I always try my best to not getting involved with those low-minded people. But I can’t help myself and you know, words are the most powerful weapon than a knife and it will stab straight to your heart. Hence, I think it’s time to upgrade my shield and be bulletproof so their harsh words won’t affect me anymore. It’s a way to a happier life, I suppose!

I tend to expect things will be worst when I will probably be okay. I think too much about what’s gonna happen next rather than taking the challenges. I spend lots of time imagining something could go wrong if I did this or that. I am a so-called defensive pessimist. To be short, I worried too much about something and it’s all negative. I’m afraid I will fall down if I step on an escalator that goes downwards. I’m afraid to enter the elevator thinking that the door will squeeze me. I’m afraid to start a conversation or asking something strangers thinking that they will ignore or getting upset with me. I’m not that coward but I was born this way and I know I need to change it. Trust me, it happens anytime, anywhere and under any circumstances no matter what. I have anxiety and that’s it. It kills me and I have to fight and overcome that in order for me to do things without having any worry, doubt, and fear, and just do it. Keep calm, they said!

4. Stop Using Profanity

Cursing is not ladylike! Well, don’t get me wrong. I am not someone with a bad mouth who swear a lot. I will only curse when I lost my temper but as long as I still have the patience, I won’t curse. And I’m not a hot-tempered person, of course. It just when I feel agitated for not being able to do something I want to do. I will end up sobbing and cursing and have a mental breakdown lol. I sit quietly and ignore people when I am mad or pissed off, so there’s no way I will be rude in front of others. And even if I don’t do it in front of people, I still need to stop using profanity cause I feel like I’m being rude to myself and it’s seriously a bad, bad habit! Fingers crossed!

5. Be Confident

Who else is having a low self-esteem? I used to be so shy, very shy that it’s hard for me to talk to people even saying one word. But ever since I work at my parents’ restaurant, I am able to deal with many people. By that I mean, I’m not gonna hide or run if someone approaches me. I still need more of that. I need more confidence so I will make a good impression on people. I dislike it when someone thinks I’m not reliable and underestimate me. I always want to do my best when I do something! I want to prove to people that I can do anything without any fear! Do they sell confidence in a jar at a shop? I’d love to buy it!

6. Get Organised, Be Responsible, And Procrastinate Less

I have so many things to do but I keep procrastinating. I abandoned my task-to-do and mess up my own schedule. I keep a journal, I keep a to-do list yet I break my own words. Korean dramas or oppa Junki are not to be blamed cause I’m the one that supposed to be responsible for myself. I have to manage my time properly and get things done. If I were to live this way, I won’t get anywhere. I will be in the same place and won’t be able to reach my goals. I planned to go hiking but until now, none of that is happening. I skip my online classes for weeks due to laziness. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I need my spirit back and resume everything that has been cast away.

7. Work Hard Towards My Goals And Wishes