I am terribly confused about what I want now. With a whole lot of personal issues here and there, and my wanderlust soul keeps screaming for a getaway (bitch we are under a covid attack now!), it kinda makes me feel miserable. Should I use my saving to really settle down or should I use them to buy a plane ticket and have an adventurous journey? Traveling has always been my favorite sport and I truly miss the moment I was living in Seoul with my best friend. It’s insanely delirious cause we are risking our lives for a once-in-a-lifetime experience.
Ever since I was in high school, I always wanted to live abroad. Will I still be able to do it now? I had my first taste of snow in Korea and I swear I love it very much. Winter is definitely my thing. It’s cold and it’s beautiful to see everything was covered in white. I love the crunchy sound of the snow when I walk on them. Unfortunately, I missed my chance to see the fresh snow. 🙁
I am honestly exhausted with what’s going on in my life now. I simply have no idea what and how to deal with my problems anymore. I can’t see the solution. All I could think is to run away and be free. Not worrying about anything at all. We have often been told to never give up and always try our best in everything. Stand up when you fall. Fight back whenever something or someone trying to break you down. Cry as much as you want and raise again the next day for a better day. Take time for yourself, have a coffee, read an interesting book, do something you love, and dump the burdens in your heart. It’s like we are putting ourselves on a reset mode and ready to start a whole new week with a happy mind and a happy heart. It’s always easier said than done, no?
I’ve been doing the same thing over and over again. But it always ends up the same. Sometimes I have this kind of thoughts telling me I should give up. Give up and don’t give a fuck anymore. Well hey, as I’m writing this, something snaps at me. I realize that I’m not giving chances to people. But I am giving plenty of chances to myself. Stupid? Absolutely. It’s like you know someone won’t give a shit about what you said, but silly you be like, oh hey perhaps I should give it a try again next time. What the fuck and what’s the point of doing that again and again when they don’t even bother at all? It’s why you exhausted and mentally breakdown, silly.
Right. I’m glad I type this out. Maybe I should just give up and stop caring at all. It’s pointless, sad & depressing. Why bother and complicate things when I can simply do better? I should focus on my own well-being and just be happy. On top of all, be selfish.
Now back to my confusion, I am desperately in need of a long getaway for my mind is in a terrible state. I need to find myself, to learn myself, and to find something that connects with my soul. Sometimes I honestly feel like I don’t belong here thus I need to search for my place where I can vibing happily. I wish everything is just easy as ABC but I know it’s a tough journey.